If I remove myself, one piece at a time, will the world be better?

Will the taking away and the dissipation be worthy?

If I just remove my love however, do I make a greater mark?

The absence of my feelings will strike a chord hm?

Will It be worthy? Will I be worthy?

 

If I quit and I surrender and I drop all my arms, will life be safer?

What if I’m the poison and I am the antidote?

If I’m wrong and you’re right, am I still worthy?

Of participating or is my immediate absence required?

Will it be worthy? Will I be worthy?

 

If I let go, dream after dream, will the sky be clearer?

Isn’t the dance found at the still point?

If I refuse to continue and to leave, am I still worthy?

Surely, my disappearance is required and mandated?

Will it be worthy? Will I be worthy?

 

If I leave without saying goodbye, am I doing you a favour?

Or is the favour unto myself so I don’t break?

If I refuse the closure you nicely offer, am I still worthy?

Of loving you from afar because I am scared?

Will it be worthy? Will I be worthy?

 

If my fear engulfs me and entraps me, will I be safer?

What if the real terror is me, and you are nothing?

If I have left for no reason at all, am I still worthy?

Surely, I was escaping something, wasn’t I?

Will it be worthy? Will I be worthy?

 

If this was all a figment of my imagination, will you still love me?

Maybe you never meant to hurt me and I overthought?

If I thought this all up, am I still worthy?

Of the sparing love I beg for?

Will it be worthy? Will I be worthy?

 

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This poem was birthed on a sad night. I was feeling unworthy of being in someone’s life. Something to do with my constant fear of not being good enough. Oddly, I was listening to Lin Manuel Miranda’s 21 Chump Street, and the line from the song One School, “If I’m doing my job, and I’m doing it right, I’m making life safer one school at a time”, inspired the very first line of my poem. It was stuck in my head all day and it only felt right to work with it. This feels different from anything I’ve ever written. It feels very raw, real and my soul feels very bare right now. I’m okay with this.